You Snooze...

I guess I'm off the hook...for now. It's been 5 days since the last comprehensive exam, and right now I honestly dunno what to do this summer. My friend Ray suggested that I get a part-time job doing research, so I'll probably look into that possibility. Aside from that, I've got zilch. Zero. Nada. For the life of me I can't figure out why, after all the waiting, the aching to get some decent sleep - some R&R, here I am, typing this blog, still sad, still lonely, still miserably waiting for something else...

Stupid. That's me. All 6 letters. Clueless as to what I'm about. Sure I'm going to become a doctor. I'm going to save lives. I'm going to live my life wearing a white coat, spend the rest of my days seeing incomplete people and doing my best to make them whole again, or at the very least, try, and let them know they're not alone in their incompleteness. And that's that.

But what about me?   W h a t  .  a b o u t  .  ME.   The incomplete person that I am; that I was; that I have always been. Will I always stay this way? Will I always be incomplete? My high school guidance counselor once told me that we are all 'wounded healers'; we have been given the gift to help others in spite of the fact that we ourselves are in need of help. Sometimes I wonder if that holds true every time. Because there moments like this when I feel I really can't give what I don't have.

No. It's not right to whine. It's not right to complain when my life isn't as bad as others'. Still, just for today, I am cutting myself some slack. I am going easy on myself. Because I know. I know that even stupid people like me have a right to wrap themselves up in a cocoon. To lick their wounds. to be comforted. To rise again. To be happy. To be whole.